As we marked the secular new year, many of us were tempted by bold resolutions. This will be the year everything changes. We will exercise perfectly, eat flawlessly, and become our best selves overnight. By this point in mid-February, most of those grand plans have quietly faded—not because we lack discipline, but because we aimed for intensity instead of consistency.

Over time, I’ve learned that real growth rarely comes from dramatic bursts of effort. It comes from steady, repeatable choices. Consistency matters more than perfection. Just as important as discipline is the ability to realign quickly after we drift. Miss a workout? Take a walk the next day. Eat indulgently? Choose something balanced at your next meal. Every day is a new day. The past stays in the past. What matters most is returning, again and again, to the direction we want our lives to trend.

That mindset shapes how I think about leadership at Temple Sinai. Our goal is not to produce one transcendent event after another. Of course, it’s wonderful when a program exceeds expectations. But a healthy congregation is built the same way a healthy body is built: through steady participation, regular practice, and patience. If an event has lower attendance than we hoped or could have been executed better, we learn from it and move forward. We keep showing up.

We sometimes bring unrealistic expectations to community building, much like we do to New Year’s resolutions. We attend one or two events and hope to feel instantly connected. We expect deep friendships to form quickly. We want every gathering to be profound and unforgettable. But genuine belonging doesn’t usually arrive in a single moment of inspiration. It develops slowly, through repeated contact, small conversations, shared experiences, and accumulated trust.

In my experience, it can take years to move from feeling like a stranger in a new place to having real friendships and a sense of rootedness. That may sound discouraging at first, but I find it freeing. It reminds us that belonging is not a lightning strike; it is a practice. It grows when we come to the fun things and the quieter things. When we arrive a little early to help set up. When we linger after an event and finish a conversation. When we return, even if the last program didn’t feel extraordinary.

The purpose of our programming is not only the content of any one evening. It is to create opportunities for you to meet one another, to build relationships, and to create your own circles of connection beyond our walls. Community, like health, trends in the direction of our habits. We cannot be upset about the results we didn’t get from the work we didn’t do.

As you read through this month’s newsletter, please see our offered events as opportunities to recommit to forming those connections. I especially hope to see many of you at the interfaith Iftar Dinner on Friday, February 20th, and our next “Shabbat at Home, Shabbat Together” potluck Shabbat dinner on March 14th. These two dinner events offer the chance to have real conversations over small talk, and to genuinely deepen our friendships.

As you recommit to your resolutions this year, perhaps consider one that is smaller and more sustainable: show up. Show up imperfectly. Show up consistently. Forgive yourself quickly when you miss a week. Come back. Over time, those ordinary acts of participation become something powerful. They shape not only a stronger congregation, but a steadier, more connected life.

That is the kind of transformation worth committing to.

Your Future Friend,
Tova McGilvray